


Misunderstanding

by nanayoung



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 17:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4755263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanayoung/pseuds/nanayoung
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During their fourth conversation (from Karkat's perspective), Karkat makes a small misunderstanding about John's behavior.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Misunderstanding

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

 

CG: WHAT   
CG: A   
CG: FUCKING   
CG: MESS.  
CG: I MEAN, EVEN AFTER JUST LOOKING AT YOUR SPECTACULAR FAILURE TWO MINUTES AGO  
CG: EVEN AFTER EXPERIENCING YOUR COLOSSAL FUCK UPS PERSONALLY  
CG: EVEN AFTER LOSING OUR PRIZE AFTER ALL THE SHIT WE WENT THROUGH TO GET IT  
CG: ITS STILL SO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE HOW YOU IDIOTS MANAGE TO MESS UP THIS BADLY  
CG: WAY TO GO.  
CG: IN CASE YOU CAN'T SEE ME, I'M CLAPPING MY HANDS SARCASTICALLY. 

EB: hi karkat!

CG: OKAY, SERIOUSLY, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO GLAD TO SEE ME?   
CG: YOU ACT LIKE MY LUCUS WHENEVER I BRING HOME A PILE OF SHIT FOR HIM TO FEAST ON. 

EB: haha, gross! 

CG: AND HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?   
CG: I WOULDN'T TELL YOU EVEN IF MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE WAS MELTING THROUGH MY EARS  
CG: AND ME TELLING YOU WAS THE KEY TO MY SURVIVAL.   
CG: I KNOW YOU DIDN'T HACK IT  
CG: MOST OF YOU HUMANS HACK EVEN WORSE THAN I DO, WHICH IS REALLY SAYING SOMETHING I'M NOT GONNA LIE.   
CG: SO I DON'T SEE HOW ELSE YOU MANAGED TO GET MY NAME. 

EB: i'm not sure.   
EB: i think i learned it over time?   
EB: like, terezi may have mentioned your name once or twice.   
EB: i dunno.   
EB: all of our conversations kind of run together to be honest. 

CG: SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN.   
CG: ALWAYS TRYING TO UNDERMINE MY FUCKING ORDERS.   
CG: UNBELIEVEABLE  
CG: TO THINK SHE WOULD STOOP SO LOW

EB: aw, she's not bad.   
EB: she seemed very helpful from our perspective.   
EB: time shenanigans aside of course...

CG: JOHN IS IT?   
CG: DO ME A FAVOR AND STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUSINESS.   
CG: I AM THE FUCKING LEADER OF OUR LITTLE BAND OF TROLLS  
CG: AND I CAN TREAT MY LACKY HOWEVER I FUCKING WANT YOU BULDGEHUMPING NOOKSMOKING PIECE OF SHITSTENCH.   
CG: FUCK  
CG: ARE ALL HUMANS THIS NATURALLY NOSY OR IS IT JUST YOU? 

EB: sorry!   
EB: i was just trying to be nice :(

CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO BE NICE TO TEREZI OF ALL PEOPLE  
CG: AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY “TIME SHENANIGANS”?  
CG: DID YOUR KNIGHT OF TIME MANAGE TO FUCK THINGS OVER EVEN WORSE THAN THEY ARE NOW? 

EB: oh no dave's fine, thanks for asking  
EB: and as for terezi well…   
EB: she just killed me in an alternate timeline.   
EB: like... a few hours ago?   
EB: wow, it feels like its been years! 

CG: WHAT  
CG: HOW  
CG: I DON'T EVEN 

EB: its not that big of a deal

CG: THE FUCK IT ISN'T. SHE COULD HAVE FUCKED SOMETHING UP  _EVEN WORSE_ THAN BEFORE  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED 

EB: shenanigans.   
EB: its not really that important.   
EB: but hey!   
EB: this is like   
EB: your fourth conversation with me right? 

CG: WOW  
CG: THIS IS SO UNBELIEVABLE  
CG: ASTOUNDING REALLY

EB: what? 

CG: THE FACT THAT YOU CAN COUNT.   
CG: IT'S QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST AMAZING THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY  
CG: TO THINK A FOOLISH DOUCHY SHITPUPPET LIKE YOU CAN PERFORM BASIC MATH  
CG: I CAN NOW HONESTLY SAY THAT I HAVE SEEN ALL THAT PARADOX SPACE HAS TO OFFER.  
CG: BUT IN CASE YOU COULDN'T FOLLOW THAT,  
CG: YES DUMBASS  
CG: THIS IS OUR FOURTH CONVERSATION 

EB: haha, it's that early?   
EB: i must be really getting close to all of the amazing trolling you do in the future!  
EB: its already pretty good from my perspective,  
EB: i can't wait for future conversations! 

CG: YOU SEE   
CG: THAT'S THE THING I DON'T GET ABOUT YOU EGBERT.   
CG: I HAVE TOLD YOU ON THREE SEPERATE OCCASIONS HOW MUCH I LOATH YOU.   
CG: HOW THE VERY SIGHT OF YOU MAKES MY CHITIMOUS WINDHOLE CLENCH   
CG: AND BLEED WITH THE SHEER FORCE OF MY FURY.   
CG: YOU ARE AN IGNORANT, DISGUSTING, FAILURE OF A WORM THAT I EVER HAD THE CROTCH BLISTERING MISFORTUNE OF JAWING WITH   
CG: AND I HAVE MADE ABSOLUTELY NO ATTEMPT TO HIDE THIS FACT.   
CG: AND YET, DESPITE HOW MUCH I'VE TOLD YOU AND SHOWED YOU MY HATE,  
CG: YOU KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE.   
CG: IS THERE SOMETHING BIOLOGICALLY WRONG WITH ALL YOU HUMANS  
CG: TO MAKE YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GET MENTALLY KICKED IN THE BULDGE  
CG: OR IS IT JUST YOU?  
CG: OR...  
CG: OR ARE YOU LIKE EQUIUS?

EB: you mean arrow guy? 

CG: BY THE ELDER GODS OF DERSE   
CG: ITS ALL SO CLEAR NOW  
CG: WHY YOU SEEM TO LIKE MY COMPANY  
CG: WHY YOU TREAT ME SO NICELY EVEN WHEN I'M TEARING YOU APPART  
CG: WHY YOU LOOK FORWARD TO ME TALKING TO YOU, EVEN WHEN I TROLL YOU. 

EB: ...i don't think i like where this is going :(

CG: YOU'RE GETTING OFF ON THIS   
CG: YOU SICK FUCK. 

EB: eww, no!   
EB: that's not it at all! 

CG: IT IS  
CG: THERE'S NO DENYING IT   
CG: YOU ARE A MASOCHISTIC FREAK. IT ALL MAKES SENSE.   
CG: AND TO THINK I'VE BEEN PLAYING TOWARDS YOUR SICK FANTASIES THIS ENTIRE TIME.   
CG: FUCK  
CG: I FEEL SO VIOLATED   
CG: I'M GONNA NEED AT LEAST A FEW MILLION SHOWERS TO WIPE THIS DIRTY FEELING OFF YOU WHIMSICAL INCOMPETENT SHITSUCK.   
CG: NOT HOMOSEXUAL MY SHINY WHITE SPINAL CREVICE. 

EB: huh?   
EB: i told you i wasn't gay?  
EB: when?   
EB: and why?   
EB: /eyes suspiciously 

CG: FUCK  
CG: NEVERMIND   
CG: FORGET I SAID THAT   
CG: WE BOTH AGREED TO NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN. 

EB: bring what up again?  
EB: was it something serious  
EB: its okay bro, you can tell me :)

CG: JUST  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT OKAY.   
CG: FUCK THIS WAS SUCH A BAD IDEA  
CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE PAST ME WAS SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT.   
CG: THE SIGNS WERE ALL THERE  
CG: ALL THOSE LITTLE INCONSISTANCES  
CG: THOSE LITTLE MOMENTS OF POSITIVITY IN THE FACE OF PAIN AND ANGUISH  
CG: NO WONDER OUR ELITE TROLLING SKILLS DIDN'T WORK   
CG: YOU WERE ENJOYING IT THIS ENTIRE TIME. 

EB: karkat, come on man  
EB: this is getting pretty ridiculous 

CG: GOD YOU  
CG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY  
CG: I'M TOO DISGUSTED TO SAY ANYTHING   
CG: I'M COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DUMBFOUNDED  
CG: SPEECHLESS IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY 

EB: you don't sound speechless to me 

CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP 

EB: look karkat  
EB: this is getting way out of hand...   
EB: don't you realize how silly this sounds?   
EB: i'm not...   
EB: any of that   
EB: i just consider you one of my friends 

CG: LIES.   
CG: DO YOU THINK I'M A FUCKING IDIOT?   
CG: LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I DIDN'T WRIGGLE OUT OF A PUDDLE OF SLIME YESTERDAY  
CG: I'M WELL AWARE OF THE TROLL DISEASE KNOWN AS FRIENDSHIP   
CG: AND NOTHING THAT'S EVEN REMOTELY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IS POINTED IN THAT DIRECTION 

EB: … troll disease?   
EB: really? 

CG: DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT YOU GRUBSHITTING FUCKOFF.   
CG: I AM ON TO YOU. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT.   
CG: YOU THINK YOU CAN USE ME AS A LIVING THROB STALK AND GET AWAY WITH IT? TO PLAY OFF MY ANGER AND USE IT FOR YOUR SICK FETISHES? 

EB: what's a... throb stalk?   
EB: and i don't have any fetishes!   
EB: at least, i don't think... 

CG: NOT EVEN HAVING THE CURTSY TO LET ME KNOW BEFORE HAND, DURING MY FIRST CONVERSATION WITH YOU? YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME COMMON DECENCY WHEN IT COMES TO THESE THINGS. 

EB: what things?   
EB: karkat, i have no idea what you're talking about  
EB: you need to calm down dude 

CG: CALM DOWN? IF ANYONE NEED TO CALM DOWN ITS YOU EGBERT. YOU'RE TAKING THINGS A BIT TOO FUCKING FAST. WE'VE BARELY MET FOR GOD'S SAKE.   
CG: AND YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT. DON'T FUCKING PLAY GAMES WITH ME. I GET ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT WITH VRISKA. 

EB: dude this is getting out of hand   
EB: you're acting reeeally nuts, even more than usual  
EB: are you okay?   
EB: maybe you should get some sleep or something   
EB: the last time we talked you said you hadn't slept in weeks!   
EB: you should troll me later on, when you feel better

CG: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE LOG OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT  
CG: I'M NOT DONE TALKING TO YOU

EB: bye! 

 

 

 

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**Author's Note:**

> Could someone please tell me how to color the text?


End file.
